My Raible Vacation - Calgary Concert

At last we arrived in a civilized place! Calgary, the most cultured place in all of Alberta, which is kind of like saying the most woman-friendly tavern in Madinah.

So we decided immediately to do the most cultured thing we could find. Now this is Calgary so ballet, opera, symphonies and theater are pretty much out of the question, so we did the next best thing, we went to a KISS concert.

After the show, we went backstage. We found Gene Simmons there and he was hanging out with Howard Schultz and Ariel Sharon. They all seemed to be getting along well and kept switching from English to Yiddish in mid-sentence.

Gene asked everyone if they were interested in a KISS merchandise license. Just 10K to put the KISS logo on a labia ring and sell them online. Not a bad deal really, I'll think about it, I might be able to make some money on that.

I started to get angry at Howard Schultz (which isn't hard), because he was bragging about 'fleecing the Emerald City'. So I decided to get violent, but then I realized Schultz was surrounded by a gaggle of high-priced lawyers, so feeling intimidated I beat up Tommy Thayer instead.

Well the police came and took me away. They mumbled something about "Soccer Riot Snazel", but of course the Canadian justice system is a joke, so my sentence was to receive free medication and a formal apology from the Ministry of Tourism. Apparently, they felt their country must have done something wrong to make such a nice American tourist such as myself to act that way. I used the free medication to get hold of some Codeine and Xanax. I figure they'll make a nifty cocktail with Tequila if Phil and Bobby get on my nerves.

Here's a snapshot of the concert, pretty crazy. You can click the image or you can click here instead to see a larger version of the photo.

Raible Vacation - Respite in Red Deer

The snow was so heavy we had to use snowmobiles to get out of Edmonton. At last we are out of that sub-artic wasteland!

We have spent the night in Red Deer, Alberta. The people here in Red Deer are very nice, although they tend to hiss like Sleestaks whenever you mention Eastern Canada. I think most people in this town would rather drink raw beef dip than converse with some snot from Toronto. Who can blame them really?

Lanny McDonald called, he says he has a big night planned for us in Calgary tomorrow, I look forward to it. I've lost my camera, I'll have to buy a new camera now. I just hope I can figure this dumb purple and orange currency that Canada uses. Honestly, their money looks like it was made from gay pride parade confetti.

Raible Vacation - Breakfast in Edmonton

Well I was right, Edmonton is cold, Edmonton is bleak and the Yaks shed hair everywhere.

We tried to make a nice morning breakfast, but our spirits were low.

Bobby Orr and I spent the night with Ariel Sharon who was in town to score some free heart surgery from the socialized medicine here in Canada. He was making all kinds of jokes about the United Nations and he got drunk on Molson Ice.

Bobby and I didn't like him much.

Some dude in a weird looking van keeps following us and pestering us with voice mail, but we just ignored him.

Tomorrow we're off to Calgary, thank goodness, civilization at last. You can see a bigger version of our breakfast snap shot by clicking the picture or by
clicking here.

My Raible Vacation Day 2 - Scenic Edmonton

It was time to move on to Edmonton.

I had been to Edmonton once before, it was bleak, it was cold and a Yak ate my shoe.

My friend Phil and I made the trip via the Trans-Canada highway. This is Phil and me in Edmonton, there wasn't much there so we decided to skate on a nearby lake.

As you can see it’s not much of anything, but I was able to watch Eskimos score a touchdown and then skin whale blubber on the sideline to sell in the concessions. I really liked the Caribou meat myself; it goes great with Tim Horton donuts. I understand Eskimos don’t use labia rings, I guess the danger of frost bite is too severe.

I’d like to tell you I didn’t think about Chone Figgins today but I’d be lying.

You can click the photo for a larger image, or you can
click here for a larger image.

My Raible Vacation - Day 1 Catching Salmon With Bobby

Day 1 - Catching Salmon With Bobby

Finally! After packing up all the Aason cards, changing my cell phone number again and establishing email filters I was ready for my first ever Raible vacation.

My friend Bobby and I flew to Prince George BC, where we went ice fishing in July and caught this really cool salmon. It was great, I didn’t think about Chone Figgins all day.

After that, we went shopping for labia rings but couldn’t find any. Later that night, we sat around the ice shack and I did begin to think about Chone Figgins and Bobby made me drink a lot of alcohol so I’d shut up and go to sleep.

I hope to write more about my vacation later.